Listening That Saves Lives: Lessons from Suicide Prevention Work

 

By Bridget Roche | Consistent Care Communications

 

What years on the front lines with the Samaritans, working as a psychotherapist and in suicide prevention programs, taught me about the kind of listening that truly helps in a crisis.

 

The Call that Impacted Me

 

It was just after 2 am on a Saturday night when the phone rang. The time of day when everything feels heavier. On the other end was a low voice, which I could barely hear: “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

 

There was no script. No perfect words to make it all better. Just a long pause, a deep breath, and the knowing that I was there to listen and very carefully.

That call didn’t change the world, but it changed me. It taught me that being present with no judgment, no rush to fix, and no clever advice can be the most powerful lifeline of all. It’s something that I carried with me, through every conversation thereafter.

 

The Illusion of Helping

 

Most people want to help. We jump in with advice, comforting phrases, or short stories of our struggles, hoping it shows empathy. But in moments of emotional crisis, this well-meaning response can really backfire.

 

I have learned through suicide prevention training, therapy work, and countless honest conversations that advice can sometimes feel painfully dismissive. Telling someone “You’ll be fine” or “Think of all the good things you have” might seem helpful, but to someone in distress, it can sound like: “Your pain isn’t valid,” or “I don’t hear you.”

People in crisis don’t need solutions. They need space. Space to be heard without interruption. Space to be, not okay. And someone who can sit with them in the dark without trying to turn the lights on too soon.

 

What Listening Means in Crisis Work

 

In suicide prevention, listening is a skill and a discipline. It is more than hearing someone’s words. It's about giving them your full, undivided attention, suspending your need to respond, and creating a space where they feel emotionally safe.
 

We call it active listening, but it often looks deceptively simple:

 

• Letting silence do its work.

 

• Using gentle prompts like “Tell me more” or “That sounds hard.”

 

• Reflecting on what you’ve heard, without twisting it.

 

• Validating their feelings without trying to reframe them.

 

One of the hardest lessons I learned was to resist the urge to make someone feel better. In those moments, my job wasn’t to fix things; it was to be present with them in that moment. To allow their pain to be expressed and heard without judgment.

 

And yes, it’s uncomfortable. It can feel like you’re doing nothing. But in reality, you’re doing something most people never understand: you’re just being present with the person and allowing them to feel heard.

 

Lessons from the Front Lines

 

I have sat with people who feel that no one cares about them, and they don’t feel seen or heard by those around them. Some were overwhelmed with grief, shame, or exhaustion. Others couldn’t name what they were feeling because their emotional intelligence did not allow them, or it was unbearable.

 

In those moments, even the smallest response could make a difference:

 

• “That sounds so heavy.”

 

• “You’ve carried a lot alone.”

 

•  I’m happy you told me that.”

 

Not one of those phrases offers a solution. However, they do offer something significant: external validation of the person’s distress. They tell the person in distress, “I see you and I’m not running away.” And that’s often what people need the most, to be seen and heard.

 

There were also times I worried about saying too much, aching to reassure or lighten the mood. But crisis work taught me that silence is not the enemy. Sometimes, the most powerful support is saying nothing at all and simply staying with someone in their pain.
 

How You Can Support Someone in Crisis

 

A situation may occur where you are required to support someone in emotional distress, and you don’t need to be a professional to be there for someone. But you do need to listen differently. Here’s what that can look like:

 

• Stay calm. Even if they are saying scary things, your grounded presence can help regulate their fear and distress.

 

• Don’t interrupt with solutions or stories. Stay with their experience, let them share their feelings and story.

 

• Use open questions. Try, “What’s happening for you right now?” or “How long have you been feeling this way?”

 

• Validate. You don’t have to agree with their feelings, just acknowledge them.

 

• Ask the person if they are thinking about suicide. This can be an uncomfortable question to ask, but it is crucial to know the real situation unfolding. The question does not plant a seed; it opens a door and provides vital information that can determine a course of action to be taken.

 

• Know when to refer. If someone is at immediate risk, stay with them and get help. Don’t promise to keep suicidal ideations a secret.

 

Sometimes the most important thing you can say is: “I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here with you.”

 

A Closing Thought

 

We can’t take away someone’s pain, but we can make sure they don’t have to carry it alone.

Authentic listening isn’t passive. It’s an act of courage, compassion, and presence. When it is done well, it can be life-saving.

I know because I used it successfully, and I now believe in active listening more than ever.